What makes a Milo?

Firstly, thank you all kindly for following my humble little blog. I was honestly not sure what to expect at all upon joining WordPress. I appreciate your curiosity – to whatever end. I just appreciate curiosity, it’s a beautiful thing.

So, I am scheduled to see an endocrinologist tomorrow at 1 pm. This is it. I’m excited, and I’m nervous about the appointment itself (social anxiety)… but I still have no doubts that I’m making the right decision. This is really it.

I wanted to try to squeeze one more post out of myself before that happens. There are lots of things I’d like to share, but it needs to be regurgitated in digestible bits. I suppose this would be a good time to further and more properly introduce myself. You know a bit about my history from what I shared last post. You know a bit about how I sorted out this mess inside my head, and am still in the process of doing so. Spoiler: I will be sorting it out for the remainder of my life.

In any case, my name is Milo, and I’m currently 26 years old, female-to-male, pre-everything as of this very second. Tomorrow I ideally start testosterone injections, and within the next few years I plan to have a mastectomy, hysterectomy, and metoidoplasty/scrotoplasty.

I am closer to the androgynous center of the masculinity/femininity spectrum. My ideal is to be seen as a man, albeit a slightly effeminate man.

I have been working from home as a freelance artist for the past 3 years. I’m primarily a digital illustrator for all manner of things with a focus on monsters and creatures, but in my free time I’ve become something of a jack-of-all-trades in terms of artistic media, which really just means I like buying lots of art supplies and making messes. I’ve recently been exploring sculpting, molding and casting in hopes of learning to make latex monster puppets and masks and other unintentionally terrifying things.

I like learning. I consume nonfiction. I feel like I have a newfound interest every year. That said, I have always loved psychology. I am an armchair psychologist, and I read books and stuff that give me a transient feeling of knowing things. I have a special interest in sexology, pathopsychology and human empathy, and also have an interest in botany, entomology, and critters of all kinds. I also love video games and tabletop games. There are too many video games that have touched my brain-meat in a meaningful way for me to list, but I have a special fixation on horrific old DOS fully-voiced point-and-clicks, such as I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, Sanitarium, and Harvester. I also like designing my own games – I make pixel art, but rarely implement it. I used to play guitar, but only pick it up once in a while these days. I love indie folk music, minimalist, neoclassical, drone, and post-rock. I sometimes try to garden. I like bizarre plants like carnivores and succulents. They don’t like me, though, which they usually exhibit through dying as quickly as botanically possible.

I have been losing weight for about a year and a half now, and have lost about 60 lbs. I still have a ways to go to meet my personal goal.

I am an INFJ with an extreme emphasis on the “I”. I am a recluse who appreciates intimate friendships. I have a few anxiety disorders and phobias that I struggle with quite a bit. I am an anxiety disorder.

I am polyamorous. I have a great appreciation of love theory. I don’t have a particular label for my sexual preference – I am just sexual. I am very open about sex. I like sex. I like BDSM. I am a switch. You might hear about some of this in this blog of mine.

I currently live in Kansas City with my husband and dog, but plan to move to Portland sometime this summer. Eventually, I would like to live out in the sticks somewhere over there – ideally, in a schoolbus-turned-mobile home on a couple acres of land.

I will stop there. That’s a good summary of the kind of creature I am.

I’m very nervous for my appointment. The doctor my therapist wrote a referral for, while experienced with trans patients, is notorious for being a dick, but I realize that’s subjective. I also just realized, the evening before, that I don’t have my injection supplies and I’m not sure what all of that is supplied. An anxiety attack may very well be in order.